1-1-1: befriending your emotions
read my three tips for getting in touch with your emotions, and discover how to name them with the emotion wheel.
june, 2025
edition 83.
summer is in full swing here in london and it is hot. it also means more traveling than usual which is throwing me off my routine. as someone who loves routine and stability, I’m trying to embrace a more ‘type B’ mindset: allowing things to happen naturally and, for better or for worse, giving up the iron grip of control I used to hold onto life with.
this period of my life has also sparked a lot of offline reflection, so mini essays and instagram reels and my online presence as a whole has taken a huge backseat. having been a creator online for so long, going offline can come with a lot of guilt. however, I try to remind myself that you, the substack community, will always be here for me. I value consistency and showing up even (especially) when you don’t feel like it, but I also value authenticity.
thank you to everyone who has been here and continued to support me along this journey of life. I have had the privilege of receiving some of the kindest messages recently and trust me, your words do not go unnoticed. thank you thank you.
finally, this edition is free but some of my editions will not be. if you find my writing valuable and you want to support my work, please consider becoming a paid subscriber — a monthly subscription is $6, around a price of a coffee. you’ll get access to all of my previous editions, free and paid.
you can expect one email from me every week containing:
one quote that has been inspiring me
one journal prompt
one piece of advice*
* = if you want to submit a question for my upcoming emails, you can find the form here.
podcast
there are tons of guest episodes on the podcast from 2024 that are worth checking out — listen to them here <3
one quote
“it’s okay if this is your second, third, or fourth time relearning the same lesson.
healing isn’t a straight line, it’s a loop. you come back to the same place with a little more clarity every time.
don’t shame yourself for being back in the same feelings.
you’re not stuck you’re just still becoming.”
—writers via instagram
one journal prompt
print out the emotion wheel (below) and stick it in your journal, or save it as an image to your phone. refer to it when you next need to pinpoint how you feel.
one piece of advice
“what does the process of being in touch with your emotions look like for you? how does someone recovering from poor mental health learn the skill of identifying and expressing different emotions?”
this is such a valuable question and I really appreciate the small acknowledgement that this process is going to look different for everyone. in this edition (free) I’ll answer the first question (being in touch with my emotions); in the next edition (paid), I’ll answer the second question (learning the skill of identifying and expressing emotions).
for me, being in touch with my emotions really just means being able to feel what I am feeling in its entirety. it sounds really simple but I promise you it’s not — I have an awful habit of trying to blame or shame any (negative and positive) emotions that come up for me.
let’s break it down:
—one: feel your feelings
feeling your feelings in it’s entirety means allowing them to manifest in whatever way it needs to. whether that be crying, throwing a tantrum, going mute, or taking a step back from the situation, I try to allow myself to respond how I need to. what I’ve learned is that your body knows exactly how it needs to respond in the moment, but external factors like social anxiety or social pressure can sometimes block us from our natural responses. yes, throwing a hissy fit in the middle of the street may be embarrassing, but maybe your inner child needs to feel validated in the moment.
—two: name your feelings
I also find that naming my emotions can be helpful for this process. I’ve attached an emotion wheel below to give you an idea for the breadth of emotions a human can feel.
naming my emotions without trying to understand the root cause of it has been really helpful on my journey of learning. for example: I’m feeling sad, and upon further reflection, I’m actually feeling really lonely and disconnected.
sometimes, especially for me, the process of trying to understand the root cause will cause me to ‘explain away my feelings,’ as if understanding all sides of a situation will miraculously lessen the intensity of my feelings (spoiler: it doesn’t). that’s why I continue to emphasize the importance of naming how you feel separate to the situation or trigger or moment that has caused these emotions.
—three: recognize what you need in the moment
this is especially helpful if you are with people. when I feel really intense emotions, I tend to shut down and go mute; it’s my survival instincts kicking in. if I’m able to (1) name my emotions and (2) understand that when I feel x emotion, I need y action, it helps people help me. a few examples:
when I feel overwhelmed, I tend to go mute, and I need to go into a quiet space (usually a corner).
when I feel frustrated, I tend to lash out at the people around me, and I need to take a few deep breaths to calm my nervous system down.
when I feel stressed, I tend to also feel frantic, and I need to write down the thoughts in my brain.
—four: recognize that this is a journey
getting to where I am with my emotions has been a long journey with countless therapy sessions, misplaced emotions, and lots of self doubt. sometimes I don’t respond to things the way I would want to and I get frustrated with myself because I believe I know better. however, even recognizing that this isn’t how I want to respond to a situation and that it’s a one-off (as opposed to my default) is already a huge achievement.
being in touch with your emotions is such a large question and I’ve tried my best to distill the answer into a short newsletter but I still feel as though I have so much more to say. as always, take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. sending you all of my love and big big hugs.
come back next week for the answer to the second question !!
reading updates
currently reading: how to talk to yourself by ro mitchell
finished this week:
:)
reading challenge: 18/50
if you want to keep up with my reading throughout the week, this is my goodreads :)
discount codes
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enjoyed this edition?
until we meet again,
katie