1-1-1: college scaries
read (more) about friendships, especially with college in mind, and listen to an episode about post-grad scaries!
may, 2023
edition 16.
okay I got confused last week thinking it was may… it was not. it’s actually may today which, again, is absolutely wild.
you can expect one email from me every week containing:
one quote that has been inspiring me
one journal prompt
one piece of advice*
* = if you want to submit a question for my upcoming emails, you can find the form here.
podcast
this week’s podcast is about the post grad scaries and how to mitigate those feelings as much as possible; it’s beneficial for college seniors and non-seniors alike! — listen here <3
& please consider supporting me to keep this content free — learn how to subscribe here.
one quote
“you aren’t difficult to love. you aren’t needy or too much. you’re just not for everyone, and that’s okay.
you’re not for everyone, and this doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
you’re rare and resilient and have gifts to offer that cannot be replaced.
there is better love out there waiting; there are better people to hold your heart. people you haven’t met yet who will make you forget that you ever doubted your value.
if you haven’t found them yet, you will.
keep holding out. the [friendship] you’re waiting for is coming.”
—daniell koepke in daring to take up space
one journal prompt
write out all of the people you interact with on a weekly basis. are all friends the same or are there different kinds of friends? which different categories do these friends fall into?
one piece of advice
“hi! im an upcoming junior in college. it felt like college flew by so fast and with only two years left i’m starting to panic that this is the only time left to have fun. i have a few friends that i love but they’re either back at home or we aren’t close enough to make plans. i’ve been getting so much fomo lately because i wished i had close friends or a best friend i could do everything with and experience things with. but every connection i try to make it falls through or makes me uncomfortable. how do you suggest i make friends or put my best foot forward. especially as a junior in college when that freshman year new friends boat is gone. thank you!!”
first of all, hi! thank you so much for sending this question along! this is something I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about and something I’ve struggled with myself.
I want to push back and ask what the disconnect is for not making plans with the friends or people you have right now. I know it can be scary sometimes to put yourself out there to make a connection, but there’s no harm in asking someone to grab a meal! everyone needs to eat!
here are a few tips:
ask to join your friends when they do activities with their friends! the best way to be exposed to new people (and potential new best friends!) is by hanging out with people that have already been ‘vetted’ by someone you like and trust
prioritize hanging out with people multiple times a week: connections form through spending more time with someone
invite someone over for a question night — i’ve done this with the card game we’re not really strangers (both for platonic hangouts and also on first dates) and it just creates an intentional space for connection!
be aware of conversations: ask about their past or their future instead of just their present. this is also in line with asking more intentional questions and creating a space for connection
go to spaces where people have similar interests as you: if you like the outdoors, join the hiking club or sign up for a hike! if you like board games, go to a board game club meeting! these are people who you already have a mutual interest with so the possibility for a connection (or a friend!) is high
…and a few reminders:
there is nothing wrong with you. you are not unlovable or unworthy. you are fun to be around!!!
it’s okay not to have a best friend! i know it’s easy to parrot “it’s okay to be alone” in the context of romantic relationships, but I urge you to adopt this mindset for a platonic relationship as well. there is nothing wrong with not having a best friend in college, I PROMISE
you can’t force a connection. if it’s not there, it’s not there. it’s true for both platonic and romantic relationships
i’ve found that I meet and connect deeply with ~one or two person in each stage of my life. two people in high school, two people in college, and one person from instagram. you don’t need a lot, you just need a few people!
going off of this, I became really close with someone I met in january (aka halfway through my senior year) and I couldn’t imagine my senior year without that friendship. remind yourself that genuine connections can come at any moment!
people are yearning for connection just as much as you are. don’t be afraid to instigate places for connection and put yourself out there!
college doesn’t have to be “the best years of your life” and it’s okay if it’s not — I definitely don’t think college was the best years of my life… life is long. four years is hardly anything in the grand scheme of your life. take the pressure off of yourself to have the best time with your best friend ever!! and just learn how to enjoy the mundane <3 that’s valuable too
reading updates
currently reading: heir of fire by sarah j. maas, how will you measure your life? by clayton m. christensen
finished this week: happy place by emily henry
pleaseeeee drop some book recommendations that aren’t in the fantasy or non-fiction genre — i’m looking for a few easy reads for this and next week!
if you want to keep up with my reading throughout the week, this is my goodreads :)
enjoyed this edition?
until we meet again,
katie