Discover more from the 1-1-1 newsletter
1-1-1: finding your people
read about how to find people to connect with and four hard questions I recommend asking a new friend.
may, 2023
edition 19.
I’m writing this while sitting in a coffee shop in Bellingham w one of my favourite people in this entireeee world, sophia!!! so it’s only fitting that this week’s edition of the newsletter and the podcast talk about friends in some way.
it’s always so lovely getting out of my hometown and experiencing something different. I feel like I look around in awe and with childlike joy. this is a mindset that doesn’t necessarily need to be ‘saved’ for vacation or a special trip, it’s something we can learn to practice wherever we are. I’ll be leaving soon, and it’s hard to think about how I won’t see soph until september.
I also have another solidarity episode w one of my college friends coming soon, I just need to actually sit down and edit it (but it might break my heart to listen to us talking/laughing because I know I won’t see her until august at the earliest </3)
sorry for the longest little updates ever — I’m just feeling some kinda way today!!! without further ado, the newsletter.
you can expect one email from me every week containing:
one quote that has been inspiring me
one journal prompt
one piece of advice*
* = if you want to submit a question for my upcoming emails, you can find the form here.
podcast
this week’s podcast is a continuation on my talk about friendships: how to make peace with losing a good friend — listen here <3
& please consider supporting me to keep this content free — learn how to subscribe to the podcast here.
one quote
“if you inherently long for something, become it first. if you want gardens, become a gardener. if you want love, embody love. if you want mental stimulation, change the conversation. if you want peace, exude calmness. if you want to fill your world with artists, begin to paint. if you want to be valued, respect your own time. if you want to live ecstatically, find the ecstasy within yourself.
this is how to draw it in, day by day, inch by inch.”
—unknown
one journal prompt
where have you felt a shift in your life/relationships lately?
one piece of advice
“I'm really struggling with finding a friend group to talk with: I've learned to be happy in my own company but at times I truly feel lonely. Do you have any advice in order to find some people to talk with, both online and/or outside the internet?”
hii thank you so much for asking a question and trusting my advice! I am always so honoured to read everyone’s amazing questions and provide my perspective on hard topics like this.
something I remind myself is that I don’t need a lot of friends (i.e. a group of friends) — I just need one or two really good friends who will uplift and support me. (some really interesting thoughts about friendships can be found here!)
I always recommend that people ask hard (but not necessarily deep) questions when they first meet a new person. those kinds of conversations always kickstart my connection with a new person! some examples:
what is one of your most recent happy memories that you feel comfortable sharing?
what are your love languages?
what is one thing you really enjoy doing (especially something that you aren’t monetizing, etc)?
are you a mountain or beach person? why?
notice how these questions aren’t necessarily about someone’s history or trauma (I find that our generation loooves to start friendships by trauma bonding and I’m trying to stray away from that type of initial connection!) but they’re still hard to answer questions.
if you’re struggling to find people to ask these questions to, here are some places you can look:
niche communities on instagram (for example, I’ve found a lot of friendships with other wellness and mental health creators)
spaces you would occupy naturally (coffee shops, gyms, libraries, class, etc)
friends of friends
I find that our generation is craving connection like no other. being chronically online has allowed us to feel pseudo-connection with the usernames we normally interact with, but the people around you are looking for connection just like you are. as an introvert with social anxiety, I know how much it sucks to start conversations and ask questions like this. but trust me when I say most, if not all, people will be receptive and open to answering questions like these. your people are out there, I promise.
reading updates
currently reading: a court of mist and fury by sarah j. maas, what money can’t buy by michael j. sandel
finished this week: one last stop by casey mcquiston, the girl on the train by paula hawkins, a court of thorns and roses (again) by sarah j. maas, under the whispering door by t.j. klune
if you want to keep up with my reading throughout the week, this is my goodreads :)
enjoyed this edition?
until we meet again,
katie