1-1-1: happy and hurting and healing
read about how to get over a stubborn crush that won't go away and find links to a NEW PODCAST EPISODE <3
september, 2023
edition 35.
helloooo i am absolutely exhausted from my first day of orientation (aka ‘freshers week’ to my uk people) but it was so lovely to meet people from my cohort and feel like i’m finally settling into a routine here!
no major updates except that i’m feeling pretty burnt out and figuring out how to balance social-instagram-school so bear with me during this learning curve!
& sorry I didn’t send this yesterday — still trying to figure out my work flow so please be patient with me!
p.s. if you were interested in reading a slump era newsletter, check out this one :)
you can expect one email from me every week containing:
one quote that has been inspiring me
one journal prompt
one piece of advice*
* = if you want to submit a question for my upcoming emails, you can find the form here.
podcast
new episode with a guest; rhea and I talk about strengthening friendships, love languages, and friend groups — listen to it here <3
one quote
“you’re going to be happy and hurting and healing, all at the same time.
you’re going to see places you never thought you’d see, and still find yourself gravitating to the old ones you thought you couldn’t get away from fast enough.
you’re going to accomplish feats so big and brave you never even dared to dream of them, and you’re going wrestle the same tiny demons that have followed you all along.
you’re going to meet someone who makes you feel more at peace than ever before, and then they’re going to shine a bright light on every part you’ve tried so hard to hide.
slowly, you’re going to learn — our greatest growth often comes just after we’ve looked our deepest fears in the eye.”
—brianna wiest
one journal prompt
what can you offer to a romantic relationship that you’re most excited to give?
one piece of advice
“how to forget a crush you were really into? i've already told my crush i liked them, they didn't like me back which was fine for me, but the hard thing now is to stop liking them romantically. i love you katie, thank you for everything you do <3”
first of all, hiiii thank you :’) sometimes my presence on the internet feels a little disconnected (like I’m staring at my phone screen and you’re staring at your phone screen) but I absolutely love hearing personal stories and little notes of thanks so thank you for making me feel less disconnected with this community <3
secondly, lets talk about something I hardly ever talk about (but have a lot of opinions on): romantic interests.
before I start with my little ~advice column,~ can I just say GO YOU for taking a leap of faith and telling your crush you like them! that’s such a scary thing — to put yourself out there in the most vulnerable way a human can with no expectations that they return the feelings. I’m kind of the same way when it comes to these things: I’d rather put myself out there and have clarity than live in the ‘what if’ when it comes to other people. I haven’t always been this way, but I’ve done the flip side (tortured myself with potentials / overthink and spiral) and realised that it isn’t for me. so, with all that being said, a biiiig props to you for your actions and the way you’re handling it.
now about your question: I wish there was a one-size-fits-all solution or an easy check list that I could give you to stop liking someone romantically, but there isn’t. so let me just give you some of my thoughts (literally brain dumping in this newsletter right now) and hopefully some of it resonates!
do you like them, or do you like the idea of a fictitious future with/version of them? this question messed me up real bad: sometimes it helps me realise that I’m romantically interested in a person that doesn’t exist
if possible, can you distance yourself socially from them? the less you see them around = the less they’ll be on your mind = the quicker you can “get over them” romantically
on the same track: stop talking about them to your friends. a beautiful part of girlhood is the group chat (council) that gushes over the one sentence answer, crafts the perfect response, zooms into his latest instagram post, and basically feeds into the romantic interest. the less you think about them = the less they’ll be on your mind = the quicker you can “get over them” romantically — i’m telling you!!!
ride out the wave. having a crush is fun! knowing that they don’t feel the same way about you will naturally dampen your attraction to them and it’ll naturally just fizzle out
throw yourself into something else: try a new hobby, become a regular at a workout class, pick up a new skill, or do a wellness challenge! I find that the more free time I have, the more I’ll overthink and hyper fixate. if I’m busy (like, too busy to respond to my texts immediately), I find that I’m a happier person. living in the moment and being where my feet are generally helps me get out of my head
honestly, find a new ‘crush.’ I told my therapist about this and she LOLed and then said I was a genius (so this is therapist certified) — I chose a fake class crush in every class and I hyper fixated on them for a semester. it was fun! one of my class crushes had a girlfriend of 3 years (and they were still together) but I still texted my friends in the class like I had a literal crush on him (“look at his outfit today! oh my god he’s sitting like 2 seats away from me. did you hear the comment he just made? so intellectual!”)
overall, ‘getting over someone’ is something you can’t force. the crush and the feelings will go away naturally — the only way to “speed up” the process is to stop thinking about them!
reading updates
currently reading: the 7 habits of highly effective people by stephen covey
finished this week:
the defining decade by meg jay
if you want to keep up with my reading throughout the week, this is my goodreads :)
I also made a book club channel on instagram! I ask you for recs, you choose my next read, and overall we just talk about books. feel free to join via my profile on ig!
enjoyed this edition?
until we meet again,
katie
“finding a new crush” is all fun and games until you gaslight yourself a little too hard and actually develop feelings for said new crush...