1-1-1: if you're ready, this is how to reclaim yourself
if you've been struggling with romance lately, read this.
november, 2024
edition 54.
it’s 9:33pm on a monday night and I’m listening to ‘give me love’ by ed sheeran and suddenly I am thirteen years old, sitting on cold tiles of my bathroom floor, crying because I am crippled with the belief that the world does not understand me. what a weird and wonderful feeling it is to be sitting on a fluffy couch, 11 years later, knowing that everything worked out exactly the way it should.
you can expect one email from me every week containing:
one quote that has been inspiring me
one journal prompt
one piece of advice*
* = if you want to submit a question for my upcoming emails, you can find the form here.
podcast
there are tons of guest episodes on the podcast from 2024 that are worth checking out — listen to them here <3
one quote
“healing involves discomfort, but so does refusing to heal.
and, over time, refusing to heal is always more painful.”
—resmaa menakem, my grandmother’s hands
one journal prompt
what’s a heavy truth that you can set yourself free from today?
one piece of advice
“How do I stop feeling so desperate to be wanted by someone”
there’s something so poetic about the lack of question mark in this submission, like the desperation is so deep and yearning that it is a statement, not a question.
trust me when I say I have been here before.
when I was younger, I also longed for the love we’d see in teenage romances. these movies and tv shows are meant to depict real life, but we all know they were far from it. the problem with them was that they touted this narrative that there was something wrong with us if we weren’t able to become the main character: either we needed an ugly duckling makeover or we weren’t palatable enough to be popular or mysterious enough to be the nonchalant character. somehow, if we weren’t involved in a romance that swept us off our feet, we were burdened to be the side character forever.
unfortunately, what I learned, is that there is no quick fix to patch up this feeling of desperation. here’s what I learned in my journey:
you need to start by unlearning things.
you need to understand that a relationship is not going to fix the problems you have in your life. you need to unlearn that you aren’t whole until you find your “other half.” you need to realise that holidays like valentine’s day and movies like 10 things I hate about you are written by a lot of people sitting around a table on a very high floor trying to capitalise on your hormones and emotional swings so that they can sell you a solution.
you need to decenter romance from your life.
this is the first step in loving and understanding yourself and it’s the one most people often overlook. it means understanding what you like and doing things that bring you joy. it means picking up a hobby that isn’t texting the toxic person who won’t ever like you back. it means that you remove yourself from conversations about men (/the gender you’re interested in). it means you learn to decenter romance and center yourself in your own life. it’s uncomfortable, yes, but it’s crucial.
you need to learn how to love yourself.
this point goes hand in hand with the previous point — for me, true self love and self acceptance began when I finally started to accept the person I was and was trying to become. it means learning how to love yourself in it’s totality while also pushing yourself to be better because you know you are capable.
the desperation to be wanted by someone (or even the desperation of acceptance) can be a life long sentence. don’t let it be.
reading updates
currently reading: lies and weddings by kevin kwan
finished this week:
slow productivity by cal newport
born a crime by trevor noah
reading challenge: 43/50, on track
if you want to keep up with my reading throughout the week, this is my goodreads :)
discount codes
these links are affiliate which means I'll earn commission if you purchase through them. thank you for the support!
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D.Louise: my daily jewelry — katieeu for 15% off
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enjoyed this edition?
until we meet again,
katie