1-1-1: read this if you feel like you're not good enough
read about how I gained self confidence, broke out of the self-deprecating cycle, and an impactful reminder from brianna weist.
october, 2023
edition 39.
happy halloween and end of october! we’re entering arguably one of the worst months for seasonal depression (so I’ll keep y’all updated with how I do…) and I’m a little nervous, especially with time change! because of this, I’m even more committed to my own personal growth. 2 more months until 2024 and I want to continue living a life I’m proud of!
I also recently hit 110k on instagram and a few of my reels have been doing super well. I wanted to take a moment to (1) be proud of myself (something I don’t do nearly as often) and (2) thank you all for being here and supporting the things I make. I will never be able to express my gratitude enough but I will try!
fun fact, this newsletter is read across 43 US states and 103 countries.
just that alone blows my goddamn mind. so thank you for being here and being committed to your own growth. I hope my corner of the internet has been a safe space for you like it has been for me <3
you can expect one email from me every week containing:
one quote that has been inspiring me
one journal prompt
one piece of advice*
* = if you want to submit a question for my upcoming emails, you can find the form here.
podcast
new episode about the power of failing publicly, all about consistency, and some thoughts about self-discipline — listen to it here <3
one quote
“you may believe that living life to the fullest is seeing every country in the world and quitting your job on a whim and falling recklessly in love, but it’s really just knowing how to be where your feet are.
it’s learning how to take care of yourself, how to make a home within your own skin. it’s learning how to build a simple life you are proud of.
a life most fully lived is not always composed of the things that rock you awake, but those that slowly assure you it’s okay to slow down. that you don’t always have to prove yourself. that you don’t need to fight forever, or constantly want more. that it’s okay for things to be just as they are.
little by little, you will begin to see that life can only grow outward in proportion to how stable it is inward — that if the joy is not in the little things first, the big things won’t fully find us”
—brianna weist
one journal prompt
what about you feels hardest to love?
one piece of advice
“hey! how do i face rejection? more specifically how do i deal with the idea that i'm not good enough for somebody?”
wow, does this hit home.
I rarely talk about my dating life and the romance side of things online (some things just have to be private, you know?) but I’ll delve into it for this edish, if only to let you know that you’re not alone in this feeling.
when I was a teenager, I was constantly craving the validation of others. does he like me? does he not? what can I do or say or be to be better for him so that he will like me? how can I shrink myself into an acceptable mold so that I can finally, finally feel desired by the people I desire?
it’s a hard mindset to break out of, especially if your thoughts begin to spiral.
I can confidently say that I am not in that mindset anymore — but what changed?
firstly, time. I stopped dating and learned how to decenter men/romance in my life. I started learning how to listen to myself and my heart, to appreciate my own company, and to truly ‘date myself.’ in essence, I was decentering other people in my life to recenter myself. (and before you click off because you think this is narcissistic or selfish, please also understand that there is nothing selfish about putting yourself first in your life).
secondly, I changed the way I spoke about men to other people. instead of focusing my attention on whether or not they liked me, I asked myself whether or not I liked them. by taking time off to learn about myself, I was better able to pinpoint exactly what I liked and didn’t like about the people I was seeing — every relationship you have in your life is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself.
by switching the way I spoke out loud, I slowly started shifting my inner narrative. I stopped looking for external validation and started realising that (this is so cliche but so true) everything I was already looking for was inside me.
lastly, I worked on my self confidence. I made myself little promises and stuck to them. (e.g. if I said I was going to the gym at 2pm, I would go to the gym at 2pm. by putting intention behind your words, you build up trust with yourself). I let my natural personality come out without censoring it to people please whoever was around me. I lost and gained and lost friends as I learned who I was and what I valued. I put myself in uncomfortable situations that promoted my growth. I surrounded myself with likeminded people to have conversations like this with. in short, I realised that life is short and I have one chance and I want to live it to the fullest.
unfortunately nothing about my answer is a quick fix, and maybe that’s why people don’t engage in this kind of work. it’s not fun, it doesn’t make for a good story to share with your friends, and it’s more uncomfortable than not. but if I didn’t take 1.5 years for myself, I would be in the same self-repeating cycle.
reading updates
currently reading: the 7 habits of highly effective people by stephen covey (will i ever finish this book? who knows!), seven days in june by tia williams
finished this week:
n/a :(
if you want to keep up with my reading throughout the week, this is my goodreads :)
enjoyed this edition?
until we meet again,
katie