1-1-1: the trap of comparison
read about how to deal with comparison and a journal prompt to help you move through those feelings.
idk if anyone can relate but something about these past few weeks have just felt off. I haven’t felt like myself and, in turn, have been showing up grumpy around others (if you know me irl, sorry :( something is weird!)
but, as I keep learning in therapy, I am trying to give myself grace in these moments. not every day or week will be a good one, and that is okay.
this one feels a little more personal because it addresses something I was struggling silently with for months. the advice section is a little all over the place (just like my brain rn) but I still hope u enjoy :-) definitely some valuable info!
you can expect one email from me every week containing:
one quote that has been inspiring me
one journal prompt
one piece of advice*
* = if you want to submit a question for my upcoming emails, you can find the form here.
a new pod episode is out, this is a q&a episode with topics like hurt, — listen to it on apple and spotify <3
“you are not behind.
you are not off-track. there is no way to be. your life is a continuous unfolding of yourself. it is shaped and guided by the world outside of you, and how you interpret and respond to that world. it is an ongoing exploration of who you are and how you might be.
life does not begin when everything is perfect. it does not start when you think you’re worthy. it’s happening right now.
you are not anywhere but where you are supposed to be, because there is nowhere else to be. the idea that you might have to earn you way into the life that is already yours is an illusion.”
one journal prompt
what or who am I often comparing myself to? how can I use this information to guide and reprioritize my life?
one piece of advice
“how to stop comparing your growth, success, happiness, relationships, etc) with others?”
such a great question — comparison is something we all struggle with!
I can’t lie, I also struggle with comparing myself to other people. whether it’s feeling like I’m “behind” because I haven’t done enough at my age, or (more recently) stressed out about post-graduate opportunities, comparison is very normal.
touching on the second point: it is important to surround yourself with a supportive community. I’ve been stressed out about my post-grad job for a while (since oct 2022) and my friends all knew that. I was silently comparing myself to them and chastising myself for being a failure for not having anything lined up yet. instead of trying to give me advice or cheer me up, most of my friends (with post-grad opportunities) avoided the topic with me altogether. while I would have loved to been able to happily support them, I was not personally at the place to do so. I didn’t have to set that boundary up, all of my lovely friends made that decision separately which I appreciate!
my friends took off the pressure of comparison for me by not mentioning anything related to work/summer plans until I was able to share where I was moving to and what I was going to do.
(and if you’re my friend reading this, I don’t know if you knew any of this. thank you for being a silent supporter while I was stressed out for months — I am so happy I am finally in a good headspace to celebrate our opportunities together!)
I know that everyone is on their own timeline of life and there is no “right” next step, but it’s hard to usurp the mental pathways that have been ingrained in us for years.
so ultimately, here’s what I learned from the 5 months of the worst comparison of my life:
surround yourself with a good community. people who will be excited for you when new opportunities come, set up boundaries without being asked, and cheer for you when you make huge decisions in your life
remind yourself that everyone is on their own timeline. most of my friends who knew what they were doing post-grad had interned at the company their junior summer. it’s still very early in the game, and people who are applying to jobs right now (me) are still waiting to hear back. circumstances are different no matter the situation
if you are actively making changes to your life, the rest is out of your control. it may feel easy to compare yourself to others because you’re in a ‘waiting period.’ don’t let those feelings consume you, and
remember that you are doing better than you think you are
comparison and jealousy shows us aspects of life that we are interested in having too. use these feelings as guides to reprioritize your life and work towards your goals
step away from people you often compare yourself to. unfollow people on social media (or mute them if you know them IRL) and truly cultivate your surroundings
if you can, try to fill your days with things unrelated to what you’re comparing yourself to. if you find yourself comparing your grades with your friends, try showing in a space where “everyone is equal” like karaoke night or a games night. the more you create moments of joy with the people you’re at war with in your head, the more grounded you will feel
some resources for you:
how to: become that girl (aka the best version of yourself)
until we meet again,
Thank you so much for sharing, Katie! It's so valuable 🤍
Hi can you pls make the podcast available at other podcast players like podbean?