1-1-1: the vulnerability hangover

read about my three-step guide to "handling things with ease," my commitment to showing up imperfectly, and... welcome back to the newsletter.

Sep 17, 2024

september, 2024

edition 46.

there have been so many changes to my life since I last sat down and wrote 1-1-1. for starters, I was in the thick of being a masters student (which is so much more intense than being an undergrad student) and I was also Struggling (with a capital S) with my mental health.

it’s funny — I started posting on the internet to show people that it’s okay to struggle and that it’s part of the human experience and yet… I find it difficult to open up when it’s happening to me. partly because I still find it embarrassing to not have it all together, partly because I need to work out things privately and off the internet, and partly because I’ve somehow forgotten how to be vulnerable.

I also think I was suffering from a vulnerability hangover: sharing my mental health day in and day out since august of 2020 has really taken a toll on my perception of my emotions. to be completely frank, it made me self centered and also hardened me to the world. knowing this, and having taken three steps back out of the world of social media this year, I’m going to carve out a different space for us all. one that isn’t so focused on me and my life and my ins and outs. one that is more focused on the collective, the community, and learning together.

so, I’m back, and I’m committing to showing up imperfectly. I can’t promise a weekly edition and I can’t promise that I won’t fall off the face of the earth (figuratively) when things get hard, but I can promise that I’m committing to trying again. it’s 2024, it’s time to fail publicly.

you can expect one email from me every week containing:

one quote that has been inspiring me
one journal prompt
one piece of advice*

* = if you want to submit a question for my upcoming emails, you can find the form here.

podcast

there are tons of guest episodes on the podcast from 2024 that are worth checking out — listen to them here <3

one quote

“the biggest lesson I’m learning is that nothing is as extreme or as permanent as our emotions convince us they are.

nothing is certain and things are always fluctuating and there are always exceptions and there are always mistakes. there is always pain and there is always love.

everything is a delicate touch away from changing.”

—3smalleyes via writers on IG

one journal prompt

freely write at least 10 lines about your emotions and how you’re feeling in this moment. it doesn’t need to make sense.

one piece of advice

“I really wanted to ask how you handle things at ease”

this is maybe the funniest question I’ve received because the truth is, I don’t. I don’t know where you got that idea—okay I do, it’s the way I present myself on social media. but there you go, social media is fake—but I can be the most dramatic person when it comes to handling things.

so, when things don’t go my way or I get frustrated or I just need to handle an annoying thing, this is kind of how it looks:

STEP 1: BE FRUSTRATED

yep, you heard me right. be. frustrated.

this looks a little bit like validating my own feelings, crying, venting to friends, yelling, complaining, and talking about the same thing over and over and over again.

you can’t get over it until you’ve felt it.

STEP 2: TAKE STOCK

for me, I find that journaling or talking it out with someone is super helpful in untangling the problem in my mind. is this a problem I can actually fix? is there something I can do in this moment? or is this just a yucky feeling that will be there either way?

there are very different approaches for problems you can directly solve, indirectly solve, or do absolutely nothing about, so it’s important to know what you’re dealing with.

STEP 3: TAKE ACTION

if this is a problem you can directly solve… what are the ways in which you can solve it? maybe it looks like asking for help, or driving to the store to get that spare part you need (even though it’s really really really annoying and messes up your whole day). maybe it looks like complaining the entire time you’re getting it done. whatever it is, if this is something you can fix on your own or with help, it’s time to do it.

if this is a problem you can indirectly solve… what action can you take to move the needle forward a little bit? maybe it looks like setting a boundary, or writing a Very Important Email to follow up on something that should have been done long ago. either way, there are ways to nudge the people or things that need to be done, so do that and then put a reminder up to check on it later.

if this isn’t a problem you can’t solve at all… feel the feelings and then get out of your head. I used to use this phrase during my senior year of college, which went something like “getting out of my head and back into my body” (f the slump era, if you know you know!) because I found the most effective way to work through something I couldn’t do anything about was the following: something physical (i.e. a workout, a change of scenery, a meal) or community (i.e. reaching out to friends, or just putting yourself in different spaces and watching the world continue when it feels like yours is falling apart).

so there you have it, katie’s 3-step guide to ““handling problems with ease.”” or, at least, making it seem that way :)

reading updates

currently reading: the defining decade by meg jay, PhD (my 6th reread… help)

finished this week:

reading challenge: 34/50, 1 book behind schedule

if you want to keep up with my reading throughout the week, this is my goodreads :)

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