1-1-1: you are not your mental illness
read about how to stop identifying with your diagnoses, a 'warm-hug' quote about healing, and podcast/moving updates!
september, 2023
edition 32.
hellooooo from my apartment in london! we have a gorgeous south(ish)-facing window that provides amazing morning light in the apartment. I know london is notorious for having dark and rainy winters so I’m soaking up as much sun as I possibly can before I have to deal with seasonal depression.
being in london has been overwhelming and a little exhausting. i find myself future tripping to when classes start or actually meeting people from my program or just feeling more settled in my move/journey in general and I have to constantly remind myself to enjoy this too. as silly as it is, I am learning to enjoy the discomfort that is not knowing and figuring it out.
in other news, I edited two (2) podcast episodes yesterday (WOOO) and I have to say that I miss podcasting so much. I’m going to release the first episode on the 19th of september so keep your eyeballs peeled for that. i’m super excited for what’s coming :’)
you can expect one email from me every week containing:
one quote that has been inspiring me
one journal prompt
one piece of advice*
* = if you want to submit a question for my upcoming emails, you can find the form here.
podcast
on hiatus until september 19th — listen to past episodes here <3
one quote
“your whole life will be a series of healing. that’s how it works.
you live, you uncover a layer, you are asked to go deeper, and you sink into a part of you that feels even more true than the person you were a year, a month, a week, a minute before.
in many ways, it’s about shedding. shedding what holds you back from experiencing your life as it’s happening. shedding societal conditioning. shedding walls, blocks.
healing will not be linear. it will not arrive one day in perfect form. it’s a becoming. an unraveling. a putting together only to unspool a bit more.
stop trying to be ‘done’ with the work of becoming yourself. stop rushing it. you have a lifetime to master it. you’re meant to have a lifetime to become, unfold, tense, and unfold again. it all belongs. it’s all part of it. maybe you need a break once in a while, but don’t quit becoming truer versions of yourself.
you don’t have to become ‘better,’ just truer. more you. more expressed. more free”
—jamie varon
one journal prompt
what are your favourite activities to do alone? (or other prompts to get to know yourself)
one piece of advice
“How to move on from your mental illness post recovery? Maybe it's just me but I feel like my illnesses have become a part of my identity so I don't know who I am without them, but I'm ready to move on and discover a life apart from them.”
this is something I’ve struggled a lot with as well. when I first got diagnosed by a psychiatrist, I was so excited to have a label, a descriptor, to cling onto and prove to the people around me that what I’m going through is real. put differently, I over-identified with my mental illness because it felt like a missing part of my identity.
as I’ve grown and learned and healed since then, I’ve realised that I am not my mental illness. so I slowly began to change the language I would use to describe my mental health: I am not depressed, I am dealing with depression; I am not anxious, I am dealing with anxiety. the subtle shift from my diagnosis = my identity to my diagnosis = an explanation of my feelings was a small but valuable first step.
the scariest leap of faith is the one you’re describing right now: not identifying with your diagnoses but also not knowing who you are without them. for reference, I was diagnosed at 18 but I was dealing with mental health issues since I was 11. my mental illness robbed me of most of my formative years; I lost my childhood in favour of being an adult. the years I lost are the years of discovery: your hobbies, favourite habits, likes and dislikes, and so on. because most of my energy was used to survive and battle my mental health, I basically never got to form an identity.
learning this was awful and scary and I had a long period where I mourned the child I could have been. while I’m still figuring out who I am without my mental illness, here are some things that helped:
letting your inner child come out again: laugh as the ice cream drips down the cone and onto your hand, order from the kids menu (if you can), buy that $1 mystery squishy toy from the machine, and just generally give yourself permission to be the child you never were
discover what makes you YOU: what are your hobbies? are you a beach or mountains person? what genre of books and movies do you enjoy? if you could be anything, what would you be? start a list!
try new things: going off the point above, do things you’ve always wanted to do. being an adult is basically being a kid with the money to actually buy/do the things you wanted to do. for example, I want to go to a rug tufting class here in london (because that would be so fun and I love getting to be creative)
like this reel, ask your friends and family to describe you in one (or a few) words. I promise you that ‘mentally ill’ or your diagnoses will make the cut
be gentle with yourself: it’s hard (exciting! but hard) to create an identity for essentially the first time. it’s a scary process! go slow and essentially date yourself — figure out who you ARE, because I promise you that you are not your mental illness
reading updates
currently reading: beartown by fredrik backman, happiness by design by paul dolan, all the bright places by jennifer niven
finished this week:
n/a
if you want to keep up with my reading throughout the week, this is my goodreads :)
I also made a book club channel on instagram! I ask you for recs, you choose my next read, and overall we just talk about books. feel free to join via my profile on ig!
enjoyed this edition?
until we meet again,
katie