a mini 1: the intimacy of crying in a city

reflections from an hour spent perched by the waterside.

being in your 20s means you have a lot of reasons to cry. your situationship unexpectedly ended things after giving you mixed signals for weeks? you got a job rejection over brunch? you found a wrinkle in your five-year plan, again, and have to start all over? if your body and your mind will allow it, cry.

but between flats crammed with more roommates than bedrooms and the sidewalks serving as communal spaces, where’s the best place to cry in a city? where can we truly let it out?

maybe you’ve chosen to walk along the waterfront with tears streaming down your face. whether that be the embankment in london or the west side highway in new york city, the pedestrian paths by the water provide an unexplainable comfort. after all, only the runners and commuting bikers will witness this private moment.

photo by Andrew Miksys

maybe it’s on the night bus, drunk, after a saturday with your friends. your tears complimented by the frequent stops and announcements over the loud speakers. if you’re sitting in the front row, on the very top of the bus, you can convince yourself that no one will notice all of your emotions.

maybe your safe space is actually the comfort of your own bed. the walls might feel like they’re pressing around you in the shoebox of your bedroom — it is all you can afford on your starting salary — but at least you can pair your sorrow with sad music on your noise cancelling headphones. hopefully, since you can’t hear the choked sobs over the sounds of your ‘cry’ playlist, your flatmates can’t either.

there’s something weirdly intimate about crying in public. the almost voyeuristic way people stare at you for a little too long, trying to figure out if the glint on your cheek is actually a tear or just a reflection from the sun. the feeling of loneliness you feel in your body even when you are, unfortunately, surrounded by people.

there’s also something cathartic about it as well — to be processing your sadness and have to hold your breath as you pass a group of people at the pub on the corner, basked in sun, laughing and drinking.

photos via pinterest

crying in the city is analogous to the word sonder; the ‘profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it.’ people are witnessing your life, this moment, just as you are witnessing theirs.

living your 20s in a city means walking the same streets and feeling different emotions every single time. go and laugh in the places you’ve cried, even when the cry happened yesterday.

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