1-1-1: who are YOU?
read about how to ditch people pleasing behaviour and figure out who you truly are.
december, 2022
happy beginning of december!
I’m so excited for this month because I get to take my first real break from my thesis since I started working on it in february. I also have so many fun things planned: from trips to see friends to a morning club session hosted by yours truly, december is going to be a lot of fun.
you can expect one email from me every two weeks containing:
one quote that has been inspiring me
one journal prompt
one piece of advice*
* - if you want to submit a question for my upcoming emails, you can find the form here.
announcements
sophia carter and I are hosting a self love zoom party this saturday! rsvp via this link. **it’s free, you just need to sign up for the morning club**
one quote
“there’s nothing you can do about the past or the future besides working on it in the present.”
(this was a piece of advice I heard from @louisaachoi this weekend. it’s SO good and I had to share it with you all)
one journal prompt
start a running list of your achievements for this month. write down anything you want, big or small, along with the date you achieved it. at the end of the month, look back on everything you did. you’re doing so much more than you think you are!
this is also a great exercise to pinpoint how you spend your days, what you work towards, and what truly matters to you.
one piece of advice
“how do I stop being a people pleaser?”
I think the key thing about people pleasing behaviour is understanding that, often times, it comes from a lack of self confidence. if you’re not comfortable with (or truly understand) who you are, you’re more likely to conform and try to please the people around you.
at their core, people who engage in people pleasing actions fear rejection. they might be scared that if they show their true colours, the people around them won’t accept them for who they are. because of this, they’ll find themselves bending over backwards, often to their own detriment, in order to be loved and accepted by others.
if you’re reading this and recognize yourself in my words, I hope you know that you are valuable just as you are. you don’t need to do anything to be worthy of acceptance. you don’t need to earn anyone’s love.
(it’s also important to note that a need to people please may also come from a lack of unconditional love from your caregivers. childhood trauma is real!!! if you feel as though you need to engage in people pleasing tendencies, evaluating your relationship with your caregivers in therapy may be a great place to start.)
ACTION STEPS & REMINDERS
understand who you are. what do you like? dislike? what are your hobbies? dreams? goals? if you are so set in who you are, you’ll naturally begin to place yourself in situations which align with your identity (it’s called identity congruence behaviour and it’s something I have in my thesis so you know it’s real!!)
set and enforce healthy boundaries with those around you
along with that, evaluate the people you have in your life (a how to post about relationships is being posted tomorrow, dec 7th!)
spend more time alone
learn to be assertive and stand up for yourself
remove yourself from situations that don’t align with who you are. if you’re uncomfortable, or don’t want to be there, leave — learn to put yourself first
realise that saying yes to something means saying no to something else. it’s okay to be picky with your time
what would it look like if I showed up in this space/situation as myself?
and here are some resources on this topic:
how to: accept yourself *unconditionally (written in collaboration with @lostintheivy)
& some of the action steps came from this article.
until we meet again,
katie