1-1-1: the college scaries
read about how to combat negative self talk, being on the right path, and why comparison is a trap.
september, 2023
edition 33.
wow. book club channel members will know that i just finished reading all the bright places by jennifer niven and i am wrecked. like soul crushing gut wrenching mind numbingly wrecked from that book.
in other news, i’ve cleaned the apartment (yay for sunday resets!), bought a few groceries, washed my sheets (but I have yet to make my bed), and am now sitting down and getting my life in order. there is literally no better feeling than planning out your life for the week <3 i’m passing on this good energy to you all!
you can expect one email from me every week containing:
one quote that has been inspiring me
one journal prompt
one piece of advice*
* = if you want to submit a question for my upcoming emails, you can find the form here.
podcast
on hiatus until september 19th — listen to past episodes here <3
one quote
“there’s no need to fear not being on the right path. what we are destined to find we will find anywhere and everywhere. all roads lead to yourself. trust how strong the pull of your soul is.”
—tordenvejr on tumblr
one journal prompt
what is something you haven’t forgiven yourself for?
one piece of advice
“Hi, I am leaving for university in 4 weeks and I am terrified and exhilarated at the same time. I feel like I am already behind and I haven't even started. Is it okay for me to relax right now and not push myself to my limit? I just feel that I am not enough and I am not doing anything right. What if the major I picked was wrong? What if everything comes crumbling down on me as soon as I start? I see everyone around me achieving great things and getting ready and all I am doing is ending up in a deep self loathing spiral. I know that this isn't right and I need to pick myself up and push myself but I just can't find the energy. I just don't understand how to escape it.”
first of all, hi! thank you for taking the time to submit something, especially something this detailed and vulnerable. i appreciate questions like these so so much. to help me organize my thoughts, let me reply to everything in parts:
“I feel like I am already behind and I haven't even started. Is it okay for me to relax right now and not push myself to my limit?”
i can relate to the feeling of falling behind (it’s something i touched on in my previous newsletter) and i’m reminded that a slow life isn’t necessarily a bad life. i’m also in this weird limbo period where i don’t feel like i’m visiting this city but i’m also not living here yet and to that i say: embrace the discomfort, take it day by day, and don’t rush the process.
for the question: 100% yes. absolutely. do not push yourself to the limit. do not push yourself so fast and so far that you crash and burn on the other side. sometimes i have to ask myself why i’m so desperate to be everywhere i’m not when it’s beautiful right here right now.
“I just feel that I am not enough and I am not doing anything right.”
i can say this with confidence even though i don’t know who you are: you are enough and you are doing something right. don’t let your brain trick you into thinking otherwise.
“What if the major I picked was wrong? What if everything comes crumbling down on me as soon as I start?”
if you chose the wrong major, switch.
if everything comes crumbling down on you as soon as you start, know that it is normal. as someone who is also experiencing a crazy large life change, i don’t expect myself to have it all figured out in the first week, or even the first month. it’s all part of the experience and this uncertainty, while uncomfortable, will not hurt you.
“I see everyone around me achieving great things and getting ready and all I am doing is ending up in a deep self loathing spiral.”
not to toot my own horn but lets let this slide: as someone who seems to have achieved great things and has my sh*t together, i feel like i am in a perpetual deep self loathing spiral.
social media has taught our generation to fake it until we make it, and once we’ve made it, fake it even more until you’ve gotten to the next level. in response, we’ve become a group of people who find it very easy to portray happiness and achievements online while internally battling with imposter syndrome and negative self talk.
so know that your thoughts are normal and valid and have been experienced by even the highest achieving people. caring enough about your life and your dreams and your goals are a sign that you are destined for great things: you won’t stop until you get there. just give yourself permission to rest along the way.
“I know that this isn't right and I need to pick myself up and push myself but I just can't find the energy. I just don't understand how to escape it.”
as someone who spent the majority of my teenage years ‘asleep’ (as Finch would call it in all the bright places), let me leave my long answer with this: surviving the battle of your mind takes physical strength and energy. this is something i didn’t realise until a few years ago, and i wish i spent less time bagging on myself for not having any energy to thrive when i couldn’t even survive.
not having physical energy to thrive when you are in survival mode is normal <3
how to escape it? a longer edish will come soon if you’re interested!!!
reading updates
currently reading: beartown by fredrik backman, the biggest bluff by maria konnikova
finished this week:
all the bright places by jennifer niven (this wrecked me)
happiness by design by paul dolan
if you want to keep up with my reading throughout the week, this is my goodreads :)
I also made a book club channel on instagram! I ask you for recs, you choose my next read, and overall we just talk about books. feel free to join via my profile on ig!
enjoyed this edition?
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until we meet again,
katie