1-1-1: the ultimate guide to setting boundaries that stick
read about how to navigate hard conversations with family this christmas and the 5 boundaries I'll be setting.
december, 2024
edition 57.
this is so silly to add to the newsletter but I cut my finger while chopping carrots for the third thanksgiving of the week (here’s my weekly recap in case u missed it) and I am typing everything with just a few fingers (which means my typing is slow) (and it feels a little silly).
in other news: this is my last full week in london town for the year (I’m going home super duper early this year) and it’s kind of bittersweet???? if you told katie last dec that I would be sad to go back to cali, I *may have* laughed at you. seasonal depression was a frequent visitor last yr. buuuuut this year I am embracing the cold and the winter lights and the early bedtimes and I’m not guilting myself on the days I don’t get as much done as I want and it has been a lovely lovely way to spend these winter months in the city.
I’m tinkering with a potential subscription-based model for this newsletter where 2 editions a month are free and the other 2 are for paid subscribers only (essentially $3/newsletter). you’d also get perks such as a subscriber only question box and a community to interact with other subscribers.
this model would help support my writing and keep this newsletter sustainable for the long run. if you have hesitations or questions, I’d love to hear them in the comments!
you can expect one email from me every week containing:
one quote that has been inspiring me
one journal prompt
one piece of advice*
* = if you want to submit a question for my upcoming emails, you can find the form here.
podcast
there are tons of guest episodes on the podcast from 2024 that are worth checking out — listen to them here <3
one quote
“maturity has taught me that I don’t need to confront everything, I just need to silently observe people’s actions and then set boundaries accordingly”
—hazel satija
one journal prompt
where in your life are you not saying no?
one piece of advice
“with the holidays coming up, I was wondering how do you set boundaries with your parents or family members?”
the winter holidays can be especially tricky for navigating hard conversations and even-harder family situations. as I’ve grown older, I’ve started to realise that setting boundaries are for my peace of mind and aren’t a direct reflection on any one person or one situation. as the self help gurus keep saying on the internet, boundaries are an act of self respect.
if I had to boil everything I’ve learned about boundaries (both from books and from practice), I’d say these seven things…
understand your needs first: identify what drains your energy, causes resentment, or feels overwhelming. knowing your limits helps define your boundaries.
communicate clearly: use “I” statements when expressing your boundaries with others. remember, boundaries are personal.
practice saying ‘no’: this is for my reformed people pleasers. remember that saying ‘no’ to something that may not align with you means you can say ‘yes’ to something else which does.
set consequences and enforce them: when setting your boundaries, let people know what will happen if they cross them. be prepared to follow through if someone violates your boundary.
recognize boundary pushers: notice patterns in relationships where boundaries are continually tested. you can set stricter consequences if needed or reduce the amount of time spent with that person.
respect others’ boundaries: remember that just as you want people to respect your boundaries, you should honour others’. this builds mutual respect and shows that you’re serious about your boundaries.
embrace discomfort: setting boundaries (esp for the first time) can feel awkward, especially with close relationships. acknowledge the feeling of discomfort as a sign of it being unfamiliar, not it being wrong.
& of course, here are some examples of boundaries to set during the holidays:
personal time: “I’ll spend time with family during meals and the daytime, but I need quiet evenings to myself for reading or catching up on work”
privacy: “please knock before entering my room/space — I’ll do the same for yours”
managing expectations: “I can’t attend every family outing or event, but I’ll prioritize the ones that matter most to you”
work/study time: “I’ll need a few hours in the afternoon to focus on some projects, but I’ll join everyone for dinner afterward”
sensitive topics: “I’d prefer not to discuss my career plans or dating life right now—let’s talk about what’s happening with everyone else instead!”
I find boundaries to be especially hard to set with family. it’s a combination of growing up and becoming my own person that some family members just don’t seem to get, but I find that setting and enforcing boundaries year after year has really helped me protect my peace during the holiday season. sending lots of love & good vibes to nav out of difficult xmas conversations this year xxx
reading updates
currently reading: building a second brain by tiago forte, dance of thieves by mary e. pearson
finished this week:
n/a
reading challenge: 44/50, 1 book behind
if you want to keep up with my reading throughout the week, this is my goodreads :)
discount codes
these links are affiliate which means I'll earn commission if you purchase through them. thank you for the support!
FreeSoul: my protein + electrolytes — katieeu for 15% off
D.Louise: my daily jewelry — katieeu for 15% off
Healf: a one stop shop for health products — katieeu for 10% off
Runna: personalised running training plans — katieeu for 2 weeks free
lululemon: my current list of favourite things
enjoyed this edition?
until we meet again,
katie
just wanted to say that you absolutely should offer a premium subscription! ofc everyone prefers free BUT i know a lot of time and effort goes into this and you deserve to be rewarded as such!